I think that was our first conversation about the dating customs of the Millers and the Yoders.She was shy to talk about it at first, as it is a very private and closed culture, but Rumspringa was working in my favor. Soon she was confiding all kinds of secrets with me, including the fact that the boys she knew back home were all going through the 'wilding' in the usual way, which meant drunken escapades the girls usually wanted no part of. The girls stuck together while the boys did their thing with girls outside the Amish community. I asked her if the Amish girls ever turned to each other for sex during Rumspringa, and from her pregnant pause, I knew I had touched on an interesting subject, but I let her evade my question, bookmarking it for a later time.As it turned out, just my asking her about girl-on-girl sex that morning, changed our whole relationship. It was like turning a key in a lock (or maybe an invisible chastity belt), but the next time we were in the shower together,. I didn’t know the word for this emotion.Other things emerged as I painted and when I stood back to examine the piece, my vocal soundtrack faded in the empty room. It was the fourth time I’d painted like this—put raw emotion on canvas. The paint was thick. Delicate shadings were less obvious as were subtle details, but shape, color, and motion were clear. And I’d done it without a sketch. I’d never approached a canvas without a sketch except in these trance-like paintings. The result was alive—that’s the only word I could find.I saw something emerge that I’d longed for over the years. I got a hint of it in Ralph. It was not quite holographic, but as you moved from one side of the painting to the other, you could see the couple lean in for their kiss. Not much, but enough. I’d captured movement. It was so exciting I wanted to shout and show it to everyone, but I couldn’t show this yet. Four times, yes. That isn’t a career. I moved the easel to the corner and tented it with a sign that.
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